Ink, Low Flow and the Flaming Bag of Dogshit 6/26/08

INK
For most of you who don the ink, you know that you cannot have just one tattoo. It is true what 'they' say; tattoos are about as addictive as crack. I can attest to this well known fact – I now have three. I received my third tattoo a couple of weeks ago at Steve's, a highly touted local establishment. Contrary to my other two, this piece of permanent art was given roughly three years of constant analysis over the 'what' and 'where' components. My first two ideas were discarded to which I am relieved; I'll get to that in a moment. The third was perfect; a strawberry poison dart frog on the right shoulder. (For those blog readers who are unaware, I have two other frogs - a lovely poison frog on my right ankle and red eye tree frog on the left side of my chest). I'd like to discuss some trends in tattoos in the past decade or so. As aforementioned I'm glad I thought about/changed my mind in regards to my third. I was going to go with a lotus/koi combination for a while, but I'm relieved I didn't. Everybody and their brother seems to have (or are planning to acquire) some sort of Japanese style tattoo. This to me signals a trend… Not that I am launching some negative diatribe on these individuals, but I have a sneaking suspicion that these tattoos will become dated, similar to the following:
*Razor/barbwire armbands – nothing says it's the 90's like one.
*For women; the daisy or the butterfly on the ankle.
*The tattoo around the navel; terrible idea for placement. I'd be curious to see some of those now… Well, maybe not.
*Chinese letters/symbols – you thought it stood for 'Love and Happiness' but really it's translation means Kung Pao Shrimp.

LOW FLOW
Late last week we received a note from our slumlord that our apartment would be given an, "Energy efficient assessment." Fine. Whatever. This was typical. The management usually decides to enter our apartment every three months or so for something or other. Flash forward to Wednesday morning. As per usual I stumble out of bed late because I had all too good of a time at golf league the night before. There stands John, looking seriously annoyed. Hmmmm, I wondered, did he wake up late too?
Disko: "What's up?"
John: "Low flow."
Disko: "Huh?"
John: "LOW FLOW."
Disko: "What the hell does that mean?"
John: "You know, the Seinfeld episode… They changed our shower head to a more 'energy efficient' one."
Disko: "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"
Sure enough, chalk up yet another instance where the series Seinfeld hits it dead on. Let me interject by saying that our old shower head's performance was, in fact, phenomenal. I could take a shower and wash my hair in record time. The pressure was so great that it would blast all of the dead skin cells off my body after standing in the stream for no more than three seconds. No other shower head that I have experienced can live up to its legacy; it was perfect.
The new shower head in comparison is like a fine mist you would expect in the Pacific Northwest mid-December. To bathe under this trickle takes at least three times as long as it's predecessor. Tell me, is this at all energy efficient? In my humble opinion, I don't fucking think so.

A FLAMING BAG OF DOGSHIT AT THE OFFICE
Roughly three weeks ago I needed to hook up a KVM switch between two computers in my office when my boss sauntered in. He had the same exact look on his face as when he needed to talk to me about wearing an over abundance of scented lotion. My first reaction was, "What the hell? I switched over to an unscented variety."
Sure enough, he needed to talk to me about something sensitive. I asked if we could discuss the matter in my office. He sat down and with a nervous laugh dropped one of the biggest flaming bags of dogshit on my desk…
I would have to give up my office and share an office with Peter, who also had his own office. I sat for a minute, in a state of pure shock. Give up my office? This was one of the biggest reasons I tolerated my job. WTF?!? Upper management wants to put interns in my office; what a low blow to someone who provides a quintessential service to our organization. Needless to say, Peter wasn't too thrilled either.
At first, we were told that this needed to happen by mid-July. Ok, at least I have some time… Then it was by July 1st, and the next day we were told that by the end of the week Peter and I would be rooming together. I did not go down without a fight; I tried arguing my case with all of the powers at be. But alas, my arguments were in vain. I now share an office. To which I can honestly report the square footage is less than that of the handicap stall in the women's bathroom. The space I have for chair mobility is a mere five feet by three feet; I'm not blowing smoke on this one either.
Fine. I'll put out this flaming bag of dogshit. I'm still employed and it could be worse. I could be stuck in a space that's smaller than one of the regular stalls in the women's restroom…

FINAL THOUGHTS
If I were one of the smurfs, it hands-down would be Vanity... Do you remember when pagers were 'cool'??? For any of you who whose curiosity was bubbling over…. I FINALLY received notification that I was accepted into the Textile and Apparel Design Program at UW. I start classes this fall, and yes, I will continue to work full time.