Diet Coke

I honestly believe that Diet Coke is comparable to junk. I know many Diet Coke drinkers who would agree with me. A couple of weeks ago I checked the Post Secret website and some anonymous Diet Coke addict sent in a postcard stating so.

I've been off Diet Coke for 8 months now, until today. I was summoned into my boss's office to discuss some work related items. I sat there, and as my boss was speaking to me there happened to be none other than a 20 ounce Diet Coke sitting there on his desk…

The words spewing from his mouth sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown – whah, whah, whah, whah whah… I sat there memorized by that carbonated brown liquid thinking; I want you, I have to have you, it's been so long! I remember simply stating at least four or five times, "Mike, I really like the looks of that Diet Coke…" Don't ask me what work related topic was discussed; I was obsessed, possessed and I NEEDED a @#%$ Diet Coke.

I rushed back into my office. Frantic, I pulled open my desk drawers and rifled through my messenger bag like a junkie hysterically searching for their misplaced paraphernalia. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and I felt on the brink of a nervous breakdown – I had no cash!!!! WHY DOESN'T THE POP MACHINE TAKE DEBIT CARDS!!!!

I ran across the hall to my coworker's office and begged him for a dollar like my cat when I am dining on chicken for dinner. I WAS GOING TO DIE WITHOUT THAT SWEET, CARBONATED, FIZZY NECTURE! My coworker looked at the crazy look in my eye and knew that there wasn't much time, he handed me a fistful of quarters. I took off in a flash down the hall, I could hear the soda machine softly chanting over and over, "Tate, there is a Diet Coke waiting here just for you…"

I made it to the lounge without being stopped by another employee with a silly computer question; there was only one thing on my mind, a can of Diet Coke… I could have almost made love to the soda machine; the red light signifying that all the Diet Cokes had been had was indeed NOT illuminated. I didn't even wait for the change, with the last quarter I heard the orgasmic cha-chunk of my Diet Coke dropping to where I could at last embrace my can that I had so longed for.

I rushed back to my office and set the can on my desk. I caressed its beautiful silver exoskeleton and marveled at its ability to have such control over me. I wiped the lid and opened the tab – oh I was in ecstasy…….

Oh Diet Coke, I covet you and what you do for me. You're comparable to junk….